Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
