I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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