This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
