after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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