yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
