so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
