I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
