spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i love accidental penises.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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