It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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