Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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