Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Damn victory sex feels great
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