Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
