A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
