She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
