idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
