i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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