I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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