so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
