problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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