the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
