I seem to have left my pride at pride
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
