that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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