Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
