It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
