You're my little dorito
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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