hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My dick has a subreddit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
