suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
