Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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