I am puke
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
