office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
