the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
