the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
