ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
