If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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