Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
