My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
