Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
