he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
