I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
