The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
