It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
