Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Your dad touched me again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
