Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
