My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
