just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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