I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
