Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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