i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
