i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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