He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
