So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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